


Fear of Falling

by PutItBriefly



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M, Small bit of InuKag on the side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27145628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PutItBriefly/pseuds/PutItBriefly
Summary: This is not how Lord Sesshoumaru’s visits are supposed to go.He should have stayed and talked with her.She should have found an opportunity to touch his hand when no one was looking.He should have asked her about her work and her friends and how well she was enjoying his last gift.She should have offered him something to eat so that he could refuse it in a private joke that was utterly incomprehensible to everyone but them.
Relationships: Rin/Sesshoumaru (InuYasha)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 211





	Fear of Falling

The wind carries ominous tidings.

Demons shudder as the terrible ox, once an enemy of the great Dog General himself, tramples across the vast countryside. He has very nearly grasped the final relic which will allow him to take vengeance on the sons of his old adversary. The dead tell no tales but even their formidable silence cannot be upheld when—

“Hold it.”

Myouga the flea demon was so tiny it was hard to tell the nature of his obedience. His lord demanded his silence and he gave it. Whether it be with reverence or offense, who could say? 

“Look,” Inuyasha drawls, not even going to the effort of opening his eyes for Myouga’s tale, “Anyone wants to bring me a fight, I’ll finish it. But other than that? Let the old man rest already. Geez.”

Those gathered around the hearth are not as prepared to dismiss the threat presented by a powerful ox demon as Inuyasha. He reclines by the wall, chin propped in his palm, offering the occasional derisive comment as Kagome, Sango, Miroku and Shippou discuss how best to handle a potential enemy. Their voices are hushed and serious, their concerns varied. Where is the ox demon? What is this relic? What is yet unknown about the Dog General?

The sound of Inuyasha’s palm slapping his shoulder reverberates. “An’ quit trying to drink my blood!”

Kagome scolds him for squashing the little flea. 

Rin smiles. It almost, but not quite, feels like home.

* * *

No ox demon materializes. 

Life in the village carries on.

Kagome and Rin learn from Kaede. Miroku seems to have an exhaustive supply of easy marks in need of exorcism to fleece. KinGyo have grown like weeds. Their demon extermination training looks less like children’s games and more like active combat preparation every day. Hisui is jealous, anxious for his own chance to prove himself, but Sango is unwilling to put a real weapon in the hands of her five-year-old just yet. Shippou leaves the village for fox demon exams less and less often. As he advances through the ranks, the tests get harder and the time he devotes to mastering his techniques longer.

Within a fortnight of Myouga appearing with his dire warning, Rin has half-forgotten all about it. Truthfully, she is as skeptical as Inuyasha that an old enemy of his father is anything to be afraid of. Lord Sesshoumaru has long surpassed the Dog General, and Inuyasha is also very strong. She goes about her work cheerfully. She has good news for Kaede, too! The ill baby on the south side of the village has made great strides. 

Rin runs over the paths she knows so well, weaving around weary carpenters lugging loads of wood, around children playing. The village is always so _alive_ and despite earlier fears, it appears as though little Jiro shall continue to be so as well!

She rounds a corner.

And freezes.

Oh! Oh, Rin had already been in a good mood after visiting with a patient in recovery, but _oh! This_ is _exponentially_ better!

Just outside Kaede’s hut, Inuyasha is speaking with Lord Sesshoumaru!

Rin shakes the shock of seeing him unexpectedly out of her feet and tears down the road.

“I don’t know anything!” As Rin approaches, Inuyasha’s voice is louder and louder, his aggravation and annoyance with his elder brother clear. “I don’t care! An’ why the hell do you, anyway? Haven’t you had enough of the old man’s quests yet? Move on.”

“I see no need to explain myself to you,” Lord Sesshoumaru replies. His tone is even, calm. Almost bored. Inuyasha can have a bit of a temper and while Rin knows he is not dangerous, Lord Sesshoumaru’s composure washes over her as she reaches his side. “You have no information. Very well.”

Inuyasha scoffs and turns on his heel to go inside. He pushes the entrance mat aside with such force that they watch it flutter for some time after he’s disappeared inside.

“Rin.”

Her heart is not sure if it wants to fall into her stomach or leap out of her throat when Lord Sesshoumaru says her name. 

“Are you well?”

As usual, her heart does both. “Yes, my lord! How are you?”

“Disappointed,” Lord Sesshoumaru replies, eying the hut as though it has done him a personal disservice, “yet unsurprised.” Gently, the earth leaves his feet. Wind rustles Rin’s clothes as her lord begins an earnest ascent. And as unexpectedly as he arrived, Lord Sesshoumaru is gone.

She stands there for a long moment, news for Kaede pushed well out of her mind. Even after she can no longer see the faintest speck in the distance, Rin is still. Her arms hang limp at her sides. 

This is not how Lord Sesshoumaru’s visits are supposed to go.

He should have stayed and talked with her.

She should have found an opportunity to touch his hand when no one was looking.

He should have asked her about her work and her friends and how well she was enjoying his last gift. 

She should have offered him something to eat so that he could refuse it in a private joke that was utterly incomprehensible to everyone but them.

He should have told her that he was _exceedingly patient_ in such a manner that made her feel like he might not actually be very patient at all. 

She should have blushed and struggled to answer him. Were it up to Rin, she would have seen Lord Sesshoumaru well rewarded for his patience already. From the knowing looks she sometimes spies on Kagome’s face and the resignation of Kaede, Rin senses she is very close. She does not know the criteria to which she is being held, but she is confident it is only a matter of time before she is permitted to return to her lord. 

Someday, he will have her as his wife.

But today, he just _left._

He barely spoke to her.

He barely even _acknowledged_ her.

Rin takes one step towards the hut. 

The mat hangs still, Inuyasha’s harsh treatment of it long forgiven.

Lord Sesshoumaru is very busy.

A second step.

Inuyasha does not care about the legacy of their father and he is free not to do so if that is his wish, but Lord Sesshoumaru is quite affected by such things. He always has been. It is not _wrong_ of him to wish to learn more about this ox demon or his father’s final secret.

Another step.

Really, she can see why Inuyasha’s lack of curiosity was so bothersome to Lord Sesshoumaru. 

Rin sweeps the mat aside.

It had _nothing_ to do with her.

Nothing at all.

Oddly enough, the more Rin tells herself that Lord Sesshoumaru’s behavior is no reflection on her, the closer tears get to her cheeks. 

And true, his abrupt departure was precisely the sort of behavior she was accustomed to when they traveled together. He probably didn’t think about it at all.

Hollowly, Rin slides to her knees before the hearth, taking up twisting rope only so that she has something to do with her hands.

“What the hell happened to you?” Inuyasha yelps.

And that is when Rin begins to cry. “Lord Sesshoumaru barely spoke to me!”

“Wish I’d been that lucky.” To his credit, Inuyasha immediately recognizes that this was the wrong thing to say. “Look. Rin. This ain’t got nothing to do with you. Sesshoumaru had issues with our old man long before he started relating to him, an' this whole thing with old enemies and relics and final secret is getting to him.”

The words _nothing to do with you_ stick in her brain and refuse to budge.

Inuyasha withers. “Wait right here.”

Rin furiously wipes at her eyes. Waiting sounds about right to her. If there is anything the world has made sure she is very, very good at, it’s waiting.

She had expected Inuyasha to fetch Kaede. The old priestess was patient and wise and had done much to show Rin that humans were generally good and kind if you gave them the benefit of the doubt. When he pushes Sango into the hut, however, Rin is not sure what to make of it.

“Eh? Eh?” Inuyasha, at least, appears pleased with himself. “The monk is trash. Sesshoumaru is trash. Who’s gonna have the best advice? _Sango.”_ He points a claw at Rin. “Sango, make her stop.”

Inuyasha smirks, no doubt at Sango’s failure to refute the idea that her beloved husband is _trash._ Everyone is fond of Miroku, Rin knows, but for whatever reason, their fondness for him seems to manifest almost exclusively in defamations of his character.

Sango, for her part, appears confused. “I don’t…” She looks at Inuyasha, at Rin, then back again. “What have you pulled me into?”

It all tumbles out of Rin. She couldn’t have stopped it if she wanted to. “Lord Sesshoumaru was here and he barely spoke to me! I’m not a part of his life anymore! I’m with everyone more than I’m with him and he’s the only one I _want_ to be with!”

Sango inhales. She tosses one last look at Inuyasha over her shoulder before coming to kneel beside Rin. “Sometimes,” Sango says cautiously, “wanting isn’t enough.”

Rin screws her eyes shut tight, willing Sango not to say another word. Her love is not inadequate.

Her powers of mind control, however, are. “I know you love Sesshoumaru, but you’ve been given time in a human village away from him to help you explore what _you_ want without being influenced by what _he_ wants. It’s okay if you realize what he’s giving you isn’t what you need from someone you love.”

“He gives me things,” Rin mumbles. A pathetic refutation.

It doesn’t fool Sango at all. “But is he giving you what you need to be happy?”

 _“Lord Sesshoumaru_ makes me happy!”

Sango waits a long moment. Then, “When the things he does make you unhappy, that is _him_ making you unhappy.”

Rin crumbles. 

“Hey,” Sango says softly, putting her arm around Rin’s shoulders and cuddling her close, “It’s not over yet. Talk to him. The next time he visits, tell him how he made you feel. He deserves a chance to fix it, right?”

“Boo!” Inuyasha yells. “Rip off the band-aid! Ditch his sorry butt!”

In Rin’s experience, band-aids were those sticky papers that used to be in Kagome’s first aid box until KinGyo used them all up, sticking them onto Shippou like wards. As advice went, this was particularly baffling, but at least she wasn’t crying anymore.

* * *

When Lord Sesshoumaru returns, he comes bearing an extravagant gift. It is some sort of metal box filled with seemingly infinite little jagged circles that all move together. Unusual for a gift from Lord Sesshoumaru, it was made by human hands and is clearly valuable.

Rin has no idea what it is and she is not convinced Lord Sesshoumaru does either. Human artifacts are not a strong suit for either of them.

She suspects it is a peace offering. With hindsight, he surely must have realized that his hasty departure made her feel insignificant. 

But this ...thing, whatever it is, it’s not _better._ The feeling that she’s not a part of his life anymore roars viciously, and worse than ever before. Though his outward appearance suggests he is a samurai of unearthly beauty, in truth, that is only his demonic energy manifesting a humanoid guise. He is a nature spirit, as nomadic as the wind itself. Rin cannot be by his side owning such human anchors.

“Thank you for your generosity, my lord, but I cannot accept.”

Lord Sesshoumaru is impassive.

Master Jaken is not. He weeps. “How dare you insult your lord, Rin! He got this from a human castle just for you!”

“I am sorry, Lord Sesshoumaru.” She has no wish to hurt him. Rin only wants to be heard. “It is lovely.”

Coolly, he replies, “You needn’t apologize, Rin.”

The only worse reaction she can imagine would be if he had smiled. 

She’s at a loss for what else to do. Accepting it is out of the question. He doesn’t want an apology. She almost wants to demand _he_ apologize to _her!_ For neglecting her! For thinking she can be _bought!_

How stupid.

Rin already belongs to him.

“I am going to visit with A-Un.”

The dragon demon has not forgotten her. Rin hugs him about the right neck, and then the left neck, and then takes him by the reins to in search of the best grass the village has to offer. She's made the right choice for company. A-Un has always been kind, loyal, smart and an exceptional listener. 

They spy Kagome by the well. (The one that water comes from.) They wait for her to fill her bucket. Kagome wipes her brow. It’s hard work, using a well as intended. 

“I thought you would be with Sesshoumaru.”

Rin twists her hands in A-Un’s reins. “I hurt him.”

“You sure about that?” Kagome smiles. “I hear he’s pretty tough.”

“I don’t know what the right thing to say to him is. I feel like we’ve grown apart and I have no idea how to make us fit together again.”

Kagome turns her face to the sunshine and smiles. “Rin, sometimes you just have to jump in.”

Rin’s brow furrows.

“Call it a leap of faith,” Kagome says. “You make peace with the fact that maybe instead of everything working out the way you want, you might end up falling instead. And then you jump. Nothing is going to happen for you if you don’t take the chance.”

“But how do I know if I should?”

“Well, that’s the thing. You don’t. That’s where the faith part comes in. No one is going to swoop in and tell you that your confidence is justified. You’re either willing to take a chance or you’re not.” 

Rin climbs on A-Un’s back, reins still wound around her hand. Seated sideways, with both feet dangling over his left flank, she tells A-Un to rise. Kagome’s advice isn’t literal; Rin isn’t tempted to leap off A-Un. She just wants perspective. Sitting higher than the treetops, the concerns of the village all seem so small and insignificant. Rin watches Inuyasha appear as if from nowhere to carry Kagome’s bucket for her. She sees the farmers and the carpenters at their work. Kin’u and Gyokuto take turns throwing their mother’s boomerang. 

Everyone of those people have struggles and dreams. They all hope and cry and wish. They all have people they love. Kagome and Inuyasha look like they fit together perfectly from far away, but even they have no doubt faced challenges. 

“Hn. I was giving you trinkets and you wanted my dragon, is that it?”

Lord Sesshoumaru hovers in the air an arm’s length away, their eye lines for once equal.

Despite of herself, Rin smiles at him. “No.” She shakes her head. “I just wanted to think.” If she stretched as far as she could, her finger tips would just graze his armor. Why must he always be so far away?

He is unreadable.

Rin can’t think like this.

“Tell me about you,” she says. “Tell me about where you've been.”

“Everywhere,” he says. “No where.”

“What did you do?”

“I sought the enemy of my father.”

“Did you kill him?”

“I made him aware of his own insignificance.”

“Your father’s final secret, did you learn what it was?”

“I did.”

“So you’re happy.” Rin is envious and she doesn’t know if it’s because getting what he wants seems to come so easy to Lord Sesshoumaru or if she wishes she could satisfy him as easily as a nugget of knowledge about his father.

But he surprises her. “No. It was nothing of any consequence.”

Rin deflates. “But you wanted to know so badly!”

“When my father was alive, I looked upon him as a means of measuring myself. He was a thing to best.”

She chooses to disregard Lord Sesshoumaru’s calling his sire a _thing_ rather than a person. “You surpassed him.”

“Yes. He knew I would. He knew precisely what I would need to achieve to reach my full potential and he set me on that path. Tell me, Rin, how did someone I so thoroughly dismissed understand me so well?”

“I don’t know.”

“Nor do I, which is what I wish to know.”

Rin thinks on it and decides, “It’s because your father loved you very much.”

Lord Sesshoumaru’s left hand curls around the hilt of Tenseiga. His father’s gift. The first thing he had to master to grow. 

She wishes someone had left her a sword to guide her on her journey. Despite the advice Sango, Inuyasha and Kagome had given her, Rin still isn’t sure what to do to attain her own goal. All she has is talking to the one person in all the world she most wishes to talk to.

So Rin does.

“A few weeks ago, why did you leave without spending any time with me?”

“I had come to speak with Inuyasha,” he says. She knew that, but it didn’t answer her question. Lord Sesshoumaru was free to speak to both of them on a single visit. And then he adds, “I didn’t have a gift for you.” 

Rin wrinkles her nose. “I don’t need a gift every time you come here. Seeing you is enough. I want to talk to you and be with you. I miss you all the time, even when we’re together because I know you’re going to leave and I’m not.”

“You are under no obligation to stay here.”

“You’re the one who left me here!”

“Only because you needed to know how to live among your own kind. If you feel you have outgrown this place, then you have outgrown it.”

Looking down at the village beneath her, Rin isn’t entirely sure she has outgrown it. She _wants_ to leave. She feels stifled and left behind, but is that the same thing as being ready to leave? How can she know she’s achieved whatever she came here to achieve? It wasn’t like Kaede was going to hold a commencement ceremony for human women who, upon giving it some thought, have decided they would really rather roam the world like a cryptid. 

Kagome told her to take a leap of faith.

No one was going to tell her she loved Lord Sesshoumaru enough to be with him. It was his decision, and it was hers, and no one else’s. She had no one to answer to but herself. 

If she jumps, she might fall.

But when Rin looks at Lord Sesshoumaru, she has no fear of falling.

“My lord, let’s go.”

His claws, his fingertips trace her jaw. Gently, he asks, “Where?” because to someone such as him, a simple _let’s go_ can mean so many things.

“Anywhere. No where. Everywhere. Home.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story began life as "Gift giving is Sesshoumaru's love language but not Rin's" and blossomed into about 15 other things.


End file.
